why we should fall in love slowly

There's reasons why people want to fall in love fast. It fits the idea that you can find the love of your life at the first sight and it's like an instant chemistry and an instant desire for that person. But I feel like if you really want to fall in love and you want it to last, it should not be at first sight. Or if it is, then you should take your time with it because you don't want to fall in love fast.

There's no literally no point in that. If this person is the right person for you, you will have an entire life to love them and fall in love with them. There's no point in making it fast. But what you do want is to fall in love safely because the people that are in your life for most of your life dictate who you are and marriage or just like a long-term relationship changes your brain the most out of all of them because you are so connected with that person and you spend so much time with that person that you will get their habits.

You will get their problems and insecurities and you will have to understand them and you will have to either contrast them or learn how to live with them together. So as you're falling in love and kind of committing yourself with that person, if that's what you're looking for and I feel like most of us are looking for a long-term partner although we all say that oh, we just want to play around. No, that's like you being scared or that's me being scared. That's surely us being true to ourselves.

We do want a long-term person in our lives. We want that stability. We don't want to hold partners every time. We might not mind it but that's not necessarily what we want or need.

So in the case that you're looking for a long-term partner and not just like short-term having fun with people which is fine like there's a period of your life in which you will want that. want to look back and say that you know everything about that person and before you fall in love with them fully or before you let yourself be fully with that person. You know every piece of them, every flaw, every way of them being human, everything that they value, their financial goals, their everything. Especially before you marry a person, you should know these things like in detail.

But even if you don't want to marry them and you just want to be in a relationship and that relationship lasts 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years. Before you get yourself so emotionally attached and involved, you should know these things about the person. Because otherwise, it will be very hard for you to leave. It will be very hard for you to love, and you will be overall having a very hard time in your life, not necessarily in the relationship.

I don't think love is the high or the happiness that the person makes you feel. I think it's more the choice that you make when you realize that you know everything about this person, every single flaw. You understand everything about them, and you still choose them in your life. Choose to be with them for a longer period of time.

Because you know they are human, and you know you are human, and you accept both of your humanities. Although of course, you will fight. And like in long-term relationships, I guess it's fine to fight. But if that person makes you happy 51% of the time, and you choose to stay with them, then you're making a healthy choice.

So why can't we fall in love fast and still be in a long, long-term relationship? First of all, falling in love very fast and liking someone and having a huge crush on them, getting obsessive over them, and then being again in a relationship with them, that's obsessive and full of emotions. Those are hormones. Like most of the things that you do in that period of time is just dictated by hormones.

It's a cocktail of dopamine, cortisol, norepinephrine, and oxytocin. And basically what this does is you are seeking thrill, you are seeking the warmth that the person shows you, and you're seeking those like intense moments in your life with them. But this can attack back to you in the relationship as especially in the beginning when you attach to that person, and you attach also to these spikes in hormones. You can become obsessed instead of loving them, and that will be unhealthy for both people.

And also that cortisol that you are feeling is like that anxiety that you're feeling and stress, it can make the attachment itself be based on some sort of a stress stimuli, which is not healthy in the long run. However, if you will learn to love soft and slow, and you take your time in a lot of ways and you don't rush into things. You don't You're not addicted to the spikes in your hormones and you're not addicted to that person spending every single moment of your life with them and facing this intense emotion, then you will mostly have in your body oxytocin and vasopressin, which are the trust hormones of your body, which will grow an attachment style of safety and just like you bonding with a person, connecting with a person, but not needing that person. Also, if you rush into the relationship and if you rush into something that you're very close, you rush into saying I love you, you can forget about the compatibility of the two people.

Like if you rush on saying I love you, you will basically just ignore the parts of you not being compatible with a person. Like maybe you don't know how they argue or how they get angry. Maybe you don't know how they react in certain situations and that really affects you. You don't understand their emotional patterns.

You don't know how reliable they are when they're stressed. You don't know how they act when they're stressed. Not being able to understand all of these things, although maybe you feel like they're not important or maybe you don't even think about this, you will not know if you're truly compatible with this person and I think compatibility, especially in some basic terms like are you financially compatible? Are you socially compatible?

Are you compatible when you're both at a low point? How easy it is for you to argue? Things like that. If you're falling in love slowly and you're not addicted to that person, then you can see those things and you can experience those things in their lives.

But if you choose to say I love you from the first week or the first month, then you won't get the chance to learn so much about them. And also, in the honeymoon phase or in the first a few months of the relationship, you're not in love with the person, you're in love with the idea of the person or you have a crush on the idea of the person. Usually like early love or early crushing, early intense emotions are usually a fantasy created in your head. They're not something that is happening in real time.

Like it might be like of course something is building up, but you are fantasizing about it and you're creating it bigger and bigger in your head and you're adding the details and the flowers and the beautiful colors. So, especially in the beginning of the relationship and it doesn't really matter how long the beginning is as long as you still feel it. I think it's different from every single couple. But, as you grow in time with that person and as you basically move through that fantasy era and more into oh, living with this person, being their best friend for a long time and stuff like that, then you will move to a more real kind of love, not necessarily fueled by fantasy and that is something that you have to look at, not necessarily the beginning stage because the beginning stage is beautiful for everyone, even 12-year-olds and even people that are very not compatible at all.

And so, you should take your time and leave time for you to process that fantasy phase and be sure that you're fully out of it when you're making a big decision or when you're deciding to let yourself go a little bit with that person or maybe truly envision a future with each other. Like, if you've started envisioning a future with each other in the first month, I think this is a little bit concerning for your mental health, but also for theirs because they will have a lot of pressure put on them. So, I feel like the main difference between fast love and slow love is that fast love is more a combination of addiction and fantasy, whereas slow love is more about growth and just reality. So, if you want to have a long-term relationship, you will have plenty of time of being with this person a lot and attaching yourself a lot to this person, so you there's no point in rushing it.

And also, take time before you say I love you. Take time before you put any pressure to the relationship. Take time before you make a decision or a big decision in both of the people's lives because especially in the beginning in the first months of the relationship, you will not be living in reality. And although it's a very beautiful period of time and everyone goes through it and it's just like extremely, extremely, extremely flowery and blossoms and, you know, being in love, this will fade away and you will want to know if you still like that person even if you're not in that phase anymore.

I hope you enjoyed this video and you learned something from it and if you did, I'm sure you're going to like this one, too. Love you guys to the best of your life. Kisses, kisses. Bye-bye.