free · a workbook
is it love, or just comfort?
free, on one page.
love and comfort look identical from the outside and feel completely different from the inside. here are the five questions i use to tell them apart, plus room to answer honestly.
free, no wall, no catch. fill it in on the page in your browser, or print it and write by hand.
what you’ll work through
- run the button test. imagine you could press a button and be single instantly, painlessly, with no fallout and no awkward conversations. if you would press it without hesitation, even if the hesitation is just "ugh, dating again", that points to comfort. if the no is "i would miss them, specifically", that points to love.
- notice who you tell first. something good happens to you. who do you reach for before anyone else? if it is them, instinctively, automatically, that is love keeping them at the centre. if you tell three group chats first and they hear about it later, that is comfort.
- miss the person, or the routine. when they are away for a week, what do you actually miss? their specific laugh, their mind, the way they move through the house, that is love. just missing having someone there, the warm shape in the bed, the shared plans, the not-being-alone, that is comfort.
- check if you are still curious. do you still ask them questions you do not already know the answer to? do they still surprise you, and is the surprise your favourite part? or have you quietly decided you know everything there is to know about them? curiosity is love's vital sign. once it goes, comfort is usually what is left.
- choose them, or just not leave. these sound the same and are opposites. choosing is active: i am here because i want to be. not-leaving is passive: i am here because going is too hard, too expensive, too scary at this age. love adds something. comfort just remains.
want the rest?
one letter a week.
the love, or just comfort card is the start. the rest is a letter a week: the word for one feeling you’ve had but couldn’t name, as i find them. if that sounds like your kind of thing, come sit with us.
no pressure, no spam, no gatekeeping. come see if it clicks. and if it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
more free cards
- the seven kinds of attraction. the whole map, on one page.
- love, or limerence?. the fastest way to tell the real thing from the state that only feels like it.
- the friend crush. yes, it is real.
- am i asexual?. a calm, no-pressure primer you write on.
- known, or just familiar?. most of the people in your life recognise you.
- the spark, or the pattern?. the pull you keep calling chemistry is often just recognition.
- the room test. six things that do not look like abuse, and the one question that checks all of them.
- the romantic dial. romantic attraction described with the sexual part taken out, and the four things that get mistaken for it.