the field guide · the seven kinds
attraction was never one thing.
most people sort every human feeling into three boxes, friendship, romance, sex. the other four don’t disappear. they just go unnamed. here are all seven, each one its own essay. start anywhere.
not sure which one this is? name it → or get all seven on one printable card →
- 01 sexual wanting sexual contact. one of seven, not the main event.
- 02 romantic wanting to build a life with someone.
- 03 aesthetic you find them beautiful and you want to do nothing about it.
- 04 sensual wanting to be held with no interest in where it leads.
- 05 intellectual you want their mind, not their life.
- 06 platonic the friend crush. everyone has them. nobody names them.
- 07 alterous closer than a friend, not a crush, no word for it until now.
this isn’t a personality quiz
every claim here has something under it. the seven aren’t a vibe. six of them were measured, 691 people, tested for whether the categories actually hold up as distinct. they do. alterous wasn’t one of them.
come think with me
one letter a week.
seven kinds, one letter a week working through them and everything around them. the word for a feeling you’ve had but couldn’t name.
- one letter a week, about a ten minute read
- all nine printable workbooks, free
- the research, with its caveats kept in
- hit reply and it reaches me. i read every one
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all of this is free and it stays free. if it gave you a word you didn’t have, you can buy me a coffee.
if you want to work it out on paper
the words for it
all seven essays, and the card stays free and stays here. the workbook is the same thinking in one order, with ruled space after every question, because the point is not what i think, it is what turns out to be true for you once you write it down. 47 pages, two files, one to read on a screen and one to print.
get the workbook · $12see what is in it
you get the next version free, which is how i can ship this one and keep working on it.
keep going: the whole field guide · what asexuality reveals about the other six · every word, defined