What is the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire?

Sexual attraction is directed: the brain points at a specific person. Sexual desire, or libido, is a drive that can exist without being aimed at anyone. Asexuality is defined by the absence of sexual attraction, and says nothing about libido; many asexual people have a sex drive that is not pointed at anyone.

How do I tell asexuality from low libido?

Two questions help. Was there a before: if sexual attraction used to be there and faded, something changed, and changes have causes such as medication, stress or hormones. And where does the distress sit: a desire disorder is low desire that distresses you and that you want treated; the distress asexual people report is the world insisting they are broken. The DSM-5 does not diagnose a desire disorder when a lifelong lack of desire is better explained by identifying as asexual.

What is responsive desire?

Desire that shows up after closeness, touch and safety instead of before them. Rosemary Basson described it as a normal pattern, common in women, and not a defect.

a tool · the engine and the target

which part is quiet?

you were handed one word, sex, for two different things. sexual attraction is a target: your brain pointing at one specific person. sexual desire is an engine, and an engine can run with nobody in it.

for most people the two fire together, so it feels like one thing. when they come apart, you feel broken. you aren’t. this pulls them apart and tells you which one is quiet.

twelve questions, about three minutes. no score, no verdict, just the shape and the words people use for it.

nothing is stored. it runs on your device, nobody sees your answers, including me. your result shows up right here, no email needed.

the shapes it can name

both running · attraction and desire fire together, aimed at the same person. most people are here and never had to notice there were two parts.
the engine with no target · the drive is there. it just isn’t pointed at anyone. this is the shape most asexual people describe, and the research backs it.
the target with no engine · you find people attractive and want nothing to happen. if there was a before, that change has a cause.
both quiet · neither part makes much noise. whether that was always true is the question that matters.
the engine that starts second · desire shows up after closeness, not before it. that is responsive desire, and it is a type, not a fault.
the target that needs a bond first · attraction only ever points at someone you already know deeply. the word people use for that is demisexual.

none of these is a diagnosis and none of them is a verdict about what you are. i don’t get to decide that and neither does a page. the split comes from the attraction versus desire chapter, and there’s more on asexuality if that’s the part that lands.