free · a workbook
is it love, or is it limerence?
free, on one page.
free, no wall, no catch. fill it in on the page in your browser, or print it and write by hand.
the feeling that gets stronger when they pull away is not the same as love, even though it wears all of love’s clothes. here is the test i use, plus space to work out your own answer.
what you’ll work through
- run the certainty test. imagine they are completely certain about you. no chase, no chance of losing them, it is simply yours. if you still want them, that points to love. if it goes flat, that is limerence.
- check the direction. love gets stronger as you get closer. limerence gets stronger with distance and doubt, and quietly dies once things are certain and easy.
- watch for the ache. limerence lives on uncertainty: the intrusive thoughts, the replaying of tiny signals, the highs and crashes tied to their attention. that intensity is not proof of love. often it is proof of doubt.
- notice the relief. imagine a clean, final "no" from them. if under the grief there would be a thread of relief that the not-knowing is finally over, you were likely in limerence, not love.
the love, or limerence card is the start. the rest is one letter a week, the word for one feeling you’ve had but couldn’t name.
more free cards
- the seven kinds of attraction. the whole map, on one page.
- the friend crush. yes, it is real.
- am i asexual? a calm, no-pressure primer you write on.
- love, or just comfort? the two look identical from the outside and feel completely different from the inside.
- known, or just familiar? most of the people in your life recognise you.
- the spark, or the pattern? the pull you keep calling chemistry is often just recognition.
- the room test. six things that do not look like abuse, and the one question that checks all of them.
- the romantic dial. romantic attraction described with the sexual part taken out, and the four things that get mistaken for it.
- what to hand over. the one-page worksheet for deciding which half of your work an AI should do, and which half stays yours.
- the sentences. what to actually say to a friend when you want them to know what they are to you.
- the seven kinds of crush. one word for seven different experiences, which is why it feels ambiguous.
- you do not need a new you. a landmark starts a thing and cannot sustain it, and those are two different jobs.
- tell me about a time you felt most loved. the question that replaces the love languages quiz.
- the deeper questions. twelve questions for two people, in three rounds, and each round goes a bit deeper than the last.