being asexual taught me why most relationships fail

So, I'm asexual and I'm in a relationship and usually those two things together confuse a lot of people. And so, just let me get this out of the way. If you have no idea what asexuality is, it doesn't mean I don't love people. It doesn't mean that I don't like people.

It doesn't mean that I don't like being in a relationship with people. It doesn't mean that I'm waiting for the right person to fix my asexuality. It just means that I experience attraction differently than most straight people. Usually people that are not straight understand asexuality better just because they understand how I feel towards like usually it's how they feel towards the people of the opposite sex.

But, I just don't experience sexual attraction. That's all. I don't get aroused. That's literally all.

It honestly taught me a lot about relationships and a lot about how relationships can be different for every single person. Because when you remove the sexual attraction from the equation, a lot of things starts to show up because usually that's the biggest factor why someone will start liking someone else in the first place. And you're forced to answer the question that most people never have to answer. Why am I with this person?

Why do I like this person? What do they bring into my life? Because when you have a crush or you're sexually attracted to a person, a lot of your relationship is based on sexuality. And maybe romantic, too, but it's kind of connected.

So, when you don't feel that electric pull, when you don't feel that physical pull that strongly, your body is not making decisions for your brain. So, why this person? Why did you choose this person? What is it about the way they think, the way they listen, the way they act, the way they carry themselves, the way they improve your life or the way they change your life?

What do they do on a random Wednesday that makes you fall in love with them more and more every week? And I think that is the most important question in any relationship, no matter if it's sexual or not, no matter if you're with an asexual person or not, no matter like what kind of relationship it is. It's so important to just ask yourself why you are with that person. Even if you're sexually attracted to that person.

Because a lot of the time it's going to be I don't want to be alone. I don't want to live my life without getting married. I don't want to be single for the rest of my life. Those are usually the motivations that make you be in in a relationship with a person.

I don't want to be my a virgin for the rest of my life. And those are not based on the other person. Those are based on you and your insecurities and your thoughts and your feelings. And I realized this because I do not really have needs from a relationship, right?

I don't see a reasoning behind me being in a relationship because I just don't have needs towards another person of the opposite sex. Like I just don't get anything from it like that's physical, right? I don't get as much dopamine as other people do and I don't get the pleasure that other people do from being in a relationship. And there's not like that benefit doesn't exist for me.

So, I was like single for like 3 years, 4 years before getting into the current relationships that I'm in. And this relationship, honestly, I can answer every single question about why I'm with this person. What makes them beautiful addition to my life. What I like about our relationship.

And it's really something boring. Like something like conversation. Like I just like how open our conversation is. I just like the fact that I can tell anything.

Like there's no literally zero filter. Zero filter. I like the way he listens. I like the way he's trying to make me feel better in every single situation.

I like how he's positive all the time. Like I just like a lot of things that are just important for any relationship, but I just can see them so clearly because they are so beautiful additions to my life. And because that's the only reason why I'm with this person. I mean, of course I love this person.

Of course I feel emotions around this person. But, the only reason why I choose to be in a relationship right now is because this relationship Okay, yeah, it's insanely beautiful. We have a great connection. We're soulmates, basically.

But, it's also adding so much to my life that is not physical pleasure. I think a lot of people are building relationships on top of the first attraction that they're feeling, like physical attraction, and then they're trying to build compatibility over that. And I think sometimes that works. Like I've seen it work so much with my friends, but I've also seen it not work and fail miserably.

And I feel like the main reason why this is is you got pulled by a person like physically and you never really asked yourself what do you actually like about them? What do you actually see as them adding in your life? What is healthy about them? And I think being asexual made me start from the opposite direction because I just asked those questions first because I just don't have the physical pleasure.

I just don't have that first attraction, right? And from my perspective, I think those are very questions to ask even if you're not asexual. I'm not saying my way is better because I feel like if you're allosexual, if you're on the other part of the spectrum, probably physical attraction means a lot to you. And that's great.

I'm just saying that it taught me something very important about how relationships are built and how we tend to go towards them because before I had the 3-year second last period and like found my boyfriend right now and whatever. Before that, I would just be with whoever attracts me. Like I would go to a club or I would go to a party and I would just see someone and and I would just go to them and be like, "Oh, you look nice." Maybe not like that, but like you understand.

And then we would just like be in a relationship with each other and then it would be terrible and I would break up with them after like 2 weeks because again, I don't have the pleasure, the physical need. So, I there's no reason for me to stay in a relationship with a person for more like if they don't bring any value to my life. And yeah, the attraction was the spark and I do feel like mental attraction and I do see when someone is beautiful, right? It's just not as intense as if I were to like be sexually attracted to someone.

And so, when I reversed the process and I literally looked into how that person will add something to my life, mind blown. I just found basically my life partner. I mean, I don't know if he's going to be my life partner, but he could be. I don't think there's any reason why he wouldn't be unless our paths just diverge naturally.

And I'm okay with that and I'm going to let leave that happen. But, honestly, I've never met a person better for me ever in my life compared to how he is and who he is >> >> and what he brings to my life. So, yeah. I just wanted to share that because I feel like he's beautiful and it's important.

And those questions should be the first questions that you ask yourself the moment that you meet someone. And you can even ask them. Like like in a job interview. Like what do you bring to the I mean, men do like to ask a lot of girls, "What do you bring to the table?"

Anyway. Uh this is a healthy version of that. Chemistry fades quite quickly, no matter how much you feel it. But, what doesn't fade is the conversations that we will have, the ability to have conversations.

Do they make you feel more honest? What kind of things do they like to hear about? What kind of things do they believe in? Like what things do they value?

Like those things are much more important than the chemistry when you're choosing someone to spend a lot of time with because they change so much of your experience in life. They like you will spend so much time with this person. They will literally change the way you think. And if you don't like the way they think, you will start not liking the way you think.

That is bad. That is bad. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this video. I hope you learned something from it.

And if you did, then I'm sure you're going to like this playlist, too. Love you guys. Have a blessed day of your life. This is bye person.

You.