silence is a love language, but no one teaches us that

We've always been taught that the deepest and best kind of love is in the words that we say and how we know when to say what to say and how deeply we know a person. How deeply we know how to express what that person is and who that person is. What if the deepest kind of love says nothing at all? We've learned to speak love and gifts and compliments and the way that we act around someone in gestures, but never in silence.

And I'm not talking about the cold avoidant silence that we kind of give as punishment. I'm more talking about the silence that just makes you so comfortable around that person that literally is just you and that person and is all of the comfort in the world that you ever desired. So I think silence should be a love language and I also feel like everyone should have at least a little bit of silence in their relationship. We live in a very performative culture like social media dating apps literally everyone has to be there at the second that you text them otherwise you feel like they're not interested otherwise you feel like they don't want you.

We always want to check in and have this check-in constantly and then when that person gives us silence, we treat it as neglect or we treat it as just disinterest. If we're quiet, they think we are not interested and we don't care. But then we fill in the void with talking even if there's nothing to be said. There are four major types of silences in a relationship.

The natural silence in which you just sit in comfort and you give warmth to that person and intimacy. the reflective silence in which you post to think, you post to reflect, you post to ponder over something that the person said and you give them respect. You give them a sense of thoughtfulness from your side. The avoidance silence in which you're afraid of truth, you're afraid of conflict, you're afraid of talking to that person.

And punitive silence, which we are mostly taught to believe this is the only silence that exists. and and basically people use it to deliberately withdraw from a relationship, friendship, conversation in a way that punishes the other person. Only the first two types of silences are ones that are rooted in deep connection and that you should have in your relationship. But because we've been literally punished with silence most of our lives and we associated with something negative, it's very hard for us to even have the courage to sit in the positive silence.

But the most beautiful thing about silence is that if two bodies sit in quiet and in proximity to each other, their heart rate sinks and their anxiety literally drops. And also studies show that couples who can sit comfortably in silence, they have a secure attachment and it means that they trust each other a lot. Mutual silence in rituals like driving, cooking, reading are constantly rated higher in like emotional intimacy than verbal communication or verbal declarations. And couples with long-term satisfaction usually say that just being with someone is something deeply bonding.

Silence is not everyone's love language, although I think it's very important in a relationship even outside of being a love language. But if it is yours, then this might be some signs that it actually is. If you feel very safe when someone just sits quietly with you. If you don't like forcing conversations with your close friends or your significant other, you bond deeply when you're doing something with someone, not necessarily talking, like when you're walking, when you're observing something in the city, when you're reading together, when you're co-working with them.

If you're the kind of person who likes bringing someone tea and then sitting next to them and reading without saying a word. If you're the friend who doesn't, why are you sad? What happened to you? and just sits in comfort with that person.

And there are things that you can do to cultivate this silence in a way that is beautiful for a relationship. Like for example, you can have these rituals in which you just stay silent around each other like breathing together in a park or sitting in nature together or cooking together in a conversation or in a friendship. Even if you don't feel as close to that person, try pushing some silences into the conversation and try communicating about those silences because it's better to sit in silence and process what each other said than just fill in the silence with random words that don't mean much. Hope you enjoy this video.

And if you're wondering why I have a thousand mics and they change every single video, it's because my father is starting a course and he's trying out different mics. So, I'm trying them, too. If you want to watch more videos on psychology and personal growth, then you should watch this playlist. Love you guys.

Have the best day of your life. Kisses.