why spontaneous one-on-one conversations create the deepest friendships

I realized today that most of my deepest friendships come from random experiences and random moments that I am not even in control of. And the only way I truly ended up connecting with most of my best friends was through having a one-on-one conversation that was usually spontaneous and random. We were both in the mental state of sharing our entire lives. And so you have this one-hour, two-hour, three-hour, even 12-hour conversation with this person about their entire childhood, their entire life story, and life problems, and what they're struggling with, and what their identity is.

This happened in so many countries and with so many people and different people with me. And after I had that conversation, we usually ended up being pretty close friends. And I find this very interesting because usually when I'm in a group, I don't really make friends. Like of course I feel like they're like friendly and I'm friendly, but I wouldn't call them my friends if I only stay with them in a group.

And I wanted to make this video because I wanted to explain for the people that are feeling like this and feel like they need this one-on-one connection with someone to form a deeper friendship. Because I feel like for a lot of people this is the truth. And it's just interesting the science behind it and why this is true. Firstly, human beings can only process so much information.

And if you overload a human with a bunch of information, which means a lot of people involved, and the cognitive load increases. So you're often performing instead of relating and connecting with the people around you. And that performance, that is good for a lot of extroverts. And sometimes introverts, too.

Like you sometimes just want yourself to perform and not necessarily connect with the people around you. Maybe you will connect in some cases, but in most cases you're just like making jokes, decoding facial expressions, telling a story, and stuff like that, which is connecting to some extent, but not like deeply connecting. And in contrast, one-on-ones eliminate this overload and you zoom into that person. And especially if you're both in a mental state of sharing your deepest secrets or like being very deep with each other, then you focus all of your cognition and emotions to this person, which creates that bond.

Also, in groups, usually the conversations follow some sort of a rhythm or some sort of a pattern. Sometimes we need that because it's just easier because we kind of know where things go. Like you tell a story, you tell a joke, and you know how that rhythm kind of plays out. But in a one-on-one, a one-on-one can go in a very different way and in a lot of different ways.

There's no script for it, because it really depends on who those two people are. And usually in those spontaneous conversations that are different from other conversations that you've ever had in your life, even if it's like the same level of depth, usually when you are just with a person and you share your life story with them, you relate different things from your life story to different things from that person's life story, and it is beautiful, but it also shapes the conversation in a very different way than with having it with another person. And also, it's kind of hard to be intimate in a group. I mean, if you're feeling tired or overwhelmed or you're going through something, you're less likely to say it in front of five people than to say it in front of one and see how they react.

It feels just safer, because you can always back down from it and like explain in a way that the person understands, but in a group, you cannot make sure that everyone understands. And usually most people will not understand everything that's happening in a group because you're not directing the conversation in a personalized way. You're directing it in a way that you want to tell it. And that's because you mirror people differently when you're one-on-one with them.

You mirror their thoughts, their body language, everything. Because our bodies have adapted to do this, and we mirror a lot of each other. You reflect people's tone, you reflect people's emotions, body language, and so on. You make more eye contact, you make more like gestures that show comfort.

have a lot of chances of saying, "I felt that, too." or moving the conversation in a way that you want it to go when you feel like that person might want it to go, too. However, not all one-on-ones have this power. And I would say that most of the one-on-ones that I scheduled, like, "Oh, let's go for a coffee.

Let's go for whatever." Some of them went well. Like, we connected and we had this deep conversation. Sometimes, no, though.

Like, most of the times, no. Most of the times, we had like normal conversations. And yeah, you connect with those people, but usually in those spontaneous moments in which you just found yourself in a place, like, on a road to somewhere or waiting in line or waiting for going to some class and stuff like that. Those are the moments in which you both are in the mental state of being vulnerable with each other.

And in those moments, you kind of leave your idea of impressing someone. You kind of leave this idea that you schedule time to meet that person and you need to entertain them. Because on the road somewhere, you would be on the road anyway with or without that person. So, you're not really feeling that pressure to entertain them that much.

And so, I found that most of my best friends, and honestly, the two of my best friends right now, the only reason that we became best friends and that we are so close now and that we can tell each other anything is because we had at some point a moment for like 1 hour, 2 hours in which we literally shared our entire life story and we connected so deeply on something like very deep psychological that you could not have predicted that we would be best friends. Like, I would not have predicted that at all. I would not have seen that on the person's face. You would not have predicted that you would have that deep conversation in that specific moment or Yeah, it's just places like this.

Like, the person that I considered the most closest to me right now is the person that I used to go back home with, like, to the metro station from like class that I was taking. And every single day, we would go together because we were the only two people that were going to in that direction. And the walk was always 15 minutes, 20 minutes, but we would stay longer sometimes. And it It just just vibe that, "Oh, we're going to both go to this place and we don't really have to perform in front of each other, but those roads made us so willing to be vulnerable with each other and we were very vulnerable with each other and I think that's very beautiful and powerful.

So, yeah, I realized this that I cannot plan who's going to be my best friend, although it makes sense. Like it's not really in my power at all. It's just the people that I had the context with in which I would be on this kind of spontaneous conversations that had no pressure whatsoever and in which we were both in the mental state of being super vulnerable with each other, which is kind of crazy. But then of course, not everyone thrives in one-on-ones and some people really connect in groups and you makes sense because some people are just extremely extremely comfortable in those groups.

But I feel like even if you're in the other category and you don't feel like one-on-ones are like the best thing that happened to you in your life, you should also take into consideration that there are people who would only connect in this way with you deeply and would only feel this like deep connection with you through these deep conversations that you have with the person. I hope you enjoyed this video and if you did, I'm sure you're going to like this one, too. Love you guys. Have the best day of your life.

Kisses. Bye-bye.