the glossary · word
what is sensual attraction?
sensual attraction
Sensual attraction is the desire for non-sexual physical closeness. Holding, cuddling, hands in hair, being tangled up with someone on a sofa for three hours. The defining feature is that the touch is complete in itself. It is not a step toward sex, it is not foreplay, and it does not get better by leading anywhere. It is one of the seven kinds of attraction, and it is the one people most often have to argue for, because touch gets read as an opening move by default. Wanting to be held is its own want. It does not have to be pointed at anything.
how to tell
- the best part of the night was the part where nothing happened
- you want the touch and specifically not what everyone assumes it leads to
- you have had to explain this to someone and it did not land
this one has a whole chapter under it. read: i want to be touched, but not like that →
what to read on this
- Touch Tiffany Field the whole science of touch from the person who built the field. skin is the first sense to develop and the last one anyone takes seriously.
- The Loneliness Cure Kory Floyd the researcher on affection deprivation. skin hunger, and how to actually meet the need for touch that adulthood starves without telling you.
amazon affiliate links. buying through one costs you nothing extra and keeps this page free. every book i recommend →
also asked
can you want to cuddle without wanting sex?
Yes, and it is one of the most common experiences people have no word for. Sensual and sexual attraction are separate, so wanting one carries no obligation toward the other. Most of the difficulty here is other people assuming the touch was a question.
come think with me
one word a week.
this is one of about thirty words i have collected for feelings most people never got names for. i send one a week, with the reason it works that way.
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all of this is free and it stays free. if it gave you a word you didn’t have, you can buy me a coffee.