the psychology of craving male validation

Okay, so this is something I really want to talk about because I feel like it's so undertalked and it's only talked through like a negative lens. And I think that's so stupid because we need some compassion for this thing. And although it's very annoying because it's also annoying me a lot, I think it's also something that from an evolutionary perspective, we have been surviving on quite literally. And so I think it's time to stop ignoring it and start actually doing something about it.

Until like I don't even know like 100 years ago, women needed men to survive. Like there was no way a woman could survive without a man. In most cultures on this planet, women could not open their bank accounts. Women could not vote.

Women could not have own things like quite literally without a man being present. If the men died, then that was something else. But they needed that men initially for them to be able to own anything or to do anything in their lives. So it's normal to think that something that has been growing in our brain for hundreds and thousands and maybe even millions of years cannot be erased in 100 years, right?

But somehow we get punished and we get torn down because we are chasing this male validation. We dress only for men, which by the way, I don't think that's true. We care so much if everyone likes us. We care so much to be attractive.

We wear a lot of makeup. We blah blah blah. Indeed, we do. But at the same time, even if a little bit of our behavior, not all of it, because most of it is coming from ourselves, we want to be pretty.

We want to look ourselves in the mirror and be like, "Oh, You're hot as fuck." Even if it comes from male validation, these men or we ourselves need to understand that this male validation is something that had kept us living for a long long long time. And the problem is that now social media although now it's better because I feel like a lot of people are not so addictive with likes and followers and whatever but those cues that we needed survival based on so how many people liked you because if you were not liked in a village or in a tribe before then you would probably not be able to survive right and social media plays into that and they force us to like force us to comment force us to text which these are things are not predictable like you cannot predict how many likes you're going to get how many texts you're going to get and so all of these these uncertainties, buy our dopamine, play with our hormones, and also play with this validity. Our brains develop to seek for this social reinforcement because that means that we have somewhat of a safety that no one's going to kill us, that no one's going to hunt us down, eat us, kick us out of the tribe, I don't know.

Also, in the past, women were looking for men in their resources and what they had so they could take care of them. Because before, again, women did not own anything. And if you finally give us the independence and the power to own things right now, of course, we're going to take advantage of it because it's ours and we deserve it. But our brains evolved to not have those things.

And so it's of course one of our instincts to look for those resources, to look for that handsome man, to look for that smart man, to look for that rich man. And this is why I'm never going to judge anyone who goes for a very rich, attractive guy and doesn't want to work for the rest of their lives because this is something that has been taught to us and we have evolved to want for thousands of thousands of years. And of course, most women now take advantage of the fact that we don't need that anymore. But our brains still want that to some extent, a little bit of extent.

I would never do that. But I think it's normal for some people to keep into that fast brain system. It's just more natural to them. Men of course want an attractive woman because they're very testosterone heavy and in the past women that were attractive gain the higher positions like got married to the highest position men.

So of course we want to be pretty. Of course we want validation for men. Of course we want to be the best looking possible and put ourselves together and be beautiful around them. And of course, we're going to look at the reactions of men when we're on the street or in some instances, even if we don't like it or even if we hate ourselves for it or even if we don't understand it, it's going to be something in our instinct because it's just something that our brain learned to do in thousands and thousands of years.

And I think it's also ingrained in us because when you're young, woman would most likely get compliments, oh, you're so beautiful. But a man will get compliments, oh, you're so smart, you're so brave, you're so and so on. Women get a lot of beauty compliments when they're young. So, of course, they're going to learn to chase it when they're older, too.

So, I hope you're on my side that it's not your fault, and it's not our fault as women either. It's not men's fault e Well, no, it is men's fault, actually, because it was their choice for those thousands and thousands of years to not give us anything. It was their choice. But that's a story for another day.

I don't want to hate on men now. Anyway, it's not our fault as women that we want this male validation. And I hope men are listening to this, too, because this is also important for them. However, in the society that we live in today, although it's very important to also be pretty because pretty privilege is a thing and it's a huge thing, it's also important to not be addicted to this male validation.

And I think a lot of young girls and I can say that I was like this before, too. Even if I'm asexual, even if I didn't even think of wanting to be in a relationship, even if I like I genuinely did not care and give a if a man like me or not. And I'm not even straight. Like I would much rather woman like me than a man like me, but that's another story.

I still get this desire to be validated by men and for men to look at me and smile or for men to look at me and find me pretty like just this is all like I feel like I have this desire of men looking at me and finding me pretty and it's nice when they do it. And I'm not saying this dictates my life. This didn't used to dictate my life either. But it was a part of my life and it was a small thing that I didn't understand and I didn't want to accept it and I did not enjoy at all.

Like I was so annoyed that I wanted this. So I think we should acknowledge it. We should accept that it's happening. We should accept that this is something normal that's happening in our brains and most women feel this but also not let it take over our lives because in many ways we are addicted to some men.

We are addicted to the safety that they bring us. We addict we we get into this toxic mentality because for men we don't really matter. Men used to have a lot more women than women had men. Like I don't think they care that much unless it's a very good man that he's going to have multiple partners or you're not going to be the one he marries or stuff like that.

But maybe you care. Like I think in most cases for them as long as they have some sort of safety net, they don't feel lonely and they have sex, they're fine with whoever, which is the saddest thing on the planet. But yeah, I that's what I learned about men in 20 years of my life. So if this desire for me validization makes you always I don't know anxious or makes you dependent on people or makes you have weird obsession crushes or yeah just things like that you really really need that validation and if someone doesn't give you that validation and you like them then it's kind of up and I think you should really look at it from a perspective that okay why do I feel this why don't I have in my life that makes me so addicted to these external sources of valid validation.

I can validate myself in most cases and I can love myself in most cases and I don't really need that validation anymore. Like I'm not in survival mode. Honestly, reminding your body and brain that you're not in survival mode and you're fine and you can take care of yourself for the rest of your life. That's so important because chances are you're going to get into some situation where you're going to be addicted to a person and you're going to feel like if you're not with them then your life is going to end.

Like I know people who feel like that and although they're not going to buy from breaking up with that person, they're going to be very very sad from breaking up with the person. Of course, it makes sense and of course you should go through that sadness, but at the same time, if it's just a crush, if it's just something that's like a one time thing or yeah, just staying obsessed with those crushes and with that those hormones, I think it's so important to stop for a second and it analyze it and be like, "Okay, where is it coming from?" you're feeling emotional roller coasters from texts or if you're feeling like you have very obsessive crushes and yeah like every time you have a crush it just like goes over your brain and this used to be me and I I think if I get out of my current relationship it might be me again too because it's just like a pattern in the way that my brain works and that's why I hate having crushes usually or sometimes it's fun but most of the time I hate having crushes. You should really look into it and you should really journal on it and develop yourself on it.

And you should really move on from people that don't text you back, that are not reliable, that it's clear that they're not good for you, that are bad guys, that and so on and so forth. Cuz of course, we're addicted to people that don't want us back or give us some signs that they want us, but not all of the signs. That's how you get a person addicted, even a guy. But for them, it's a little bit easier.

The only thing that I want you to take out of this video, honestly, is that male attention is not your personal weakness and that you should do something about it if you find it like that. I hope you enjoyed this video and if you did, I'm sure you're going to like this one, too. Love you guys. Have the best day of your life.

Kisses. Bye-bye.