the library · attraction & the self
give me 6:48 and I’ll make you instantly more attractive
attractiveness as something you do, not something you are, the parts actually in your control.
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full transcript
Give me 7 minutes and I'll make you more attractive without changing your face, your clothes, or doing anything cringey. Attractiveness is perception, a mix of psychology, biology, and design choices that you can change. One, visual framing. And this is very important in pictures or when you're taking videos of yourself or even in Zoom meetings.
People don't see your face, they see how your face is lit and framed. If your face is symmetric, but also average, people will see you as way more attractive than if your face was asymmetric and it looked better. So, if you feel like your face is not symmetric or you feel like something is not fully average about your face and your features are a little bit different than the average. If you're in a call or you're taking a picture, try to move your head to different angles.
And in this way, people will not see you in direct view, they will see you from an angle, which means you would reduce the perceived asymmetry if you were just looking straight ahead of them. You can also try to play with lighting in the way that if light comes from one side compared to the other and from the top, your face looks very different. Depending on how you like it more, you can position some light source somewhere that you really like her face pops up. But, also if you have a light source directly in front of you, then your eyes will pop up.
So, maybe you want to have two or three lights in your room. Two, skin texture. And this is a health cue. And because of evolutionary psychology, we have been trained to look for healthy people and average healthy people in our society.
Those are the people that look attractive to us. And one main signal of a very healthy person is their skin and their skin texture. So, if you have a glowing skin, it doesn't mean that you're trying to be the beauty guru or whatever. It's just a health signal that humans have been raised to scan for.
So, things that you can do this in your daily life, just splash cold water whenever you can. And afterwards, dry your skin with some towel that is not very rough so that it doesn't make rashes on your face. And also exfoliate sometimes, but gently, because that removes dead skin cells and your light, the light in the room or the light in outside will reflect on your skin way better. And it's very important, I only started to do this very recently, but moisturizing your face is extremely important.
If you're a girl, you probably already do this, but if you're a guy watching this, please moisturize your face. At least once a day. It doesn't need to be something very fancy or It impacts so much how nice your skin feels and how nice your skin looks from other people's perspective. Three, smile with your eyes.
And we I don't know how we are not taught to do this from a younger age. You look way more attractive when you make someone else feel good. And when you're smiling, you literally do that. You do that instantly, too.
Think of a specific moment that makes you laugh or feel safe and let it reach your entire face. Like close your eyes, imagine it, and let it reach your entire face. These muscles here will be activated when you do that, and those are the muscles that you want to activate when you're smiling, too. Even if you're fake smiling for a photo, if you're not activating these muscles, the smile will look very fake.
And even if you won't really realize it, especially in the beginning, you should look in the mirror and see how you smile and see if it feels real to you. Because I find only do this, it looks very creepy. But in some variations, we try to do only this when you're taking a picture of yourself. Even smiles, according to studies, improve perceived warmth, perceived intelligence even, of course, attractiveness.
And if you're doing a fake smile, it would most likely do more bad than good for you. A real smile is an invitation, and I promise you a lot of people will feel very warm in your presence if you just smile a little. Your smile is very Your smile is very beautiful, trust me. Four, posture.
The way you carry yourself is the way people see you and respect you. Posture is presence, and posture is one of the best indicators for confidence. You should always have in your head that you should have your chest forward and shoulders back, and your chin somewhat medium. And also, when you make pauses in your speech, people will see you as more intelligent, more thoughtful, and also more attractive.
Because somehow we combine all of these good traits in only one thing. Like if someone is beautiful, we also think they're smart and Nonverbal communication accounts for 93% of emotional meaning in interactions, so it's extremely important, like insane. Five, voice. And this is insanely important.
Your voice is like a psychological fingerprint. It reflects how grounded you feel, how entertaining you are, how good of a storyteller you are. If you're a guy, you should drop your pitch by like 10% compared to what you're doing right now because that instantly makes any woman more attracted to you. If you want to be more attractive as a woman, you should raise your pitch, which is kind of funny.
But men perceive higher pitches as more feminine and more, yeah, generally more attractive. And if you tend to rush through your words, you should definitely slow down and think. And if you tend to rush through your words, you should definitely slow down because that will make people understand you better. You might understand yourself in your head, but if the other person doesn't understand you, they will not like be in your presence.
You should also take a deep breath or just breathe before answering, not during. Men with with lower voices had more children historically according to some studies on the internet. If you want to make people trust you or make people like spending time with you, then you should definitely work on your voice volume and even watch some podcasts and see how they are doing it. Six, your outfit.
Your clothes don't need to impress, but they do need to tell the right story, and especially the story that you want to tell. If you wear always some sort of a statement piece for yourselves, like one clean intentional item, so like a specific necklace or a specific bracelet or like some earrings that are unique to you or just some shirts that are unique to you, then you will be more memorable to people. It doesn't really matter if you're fashionable or not. If you wear something that strikes the eye and also it's like fitted to your body very nicely.
Like it doesn't really matter if you have style, as long as the clothes themselves are fitted to your body very nicely and they show all of your structure and all of your forms will make you more attractive. People make social inferences like intelligent and attractiveness in less than 5 seconds and mostly based on what you're wearing. And slight deviation from the norm increases attention and also some sort of intrigue. Seven, be more calm.
Attraction is not just physical, it's also how you make people feel and especially how your internal world makes others feel. Humans co-regulate each other's nervous systems, which means that if you're calm, people will perceive you as more safe, which makes you attractive, too. So, if you focus on becoming a little bit more calm, a little bit more grounded, and a little bit more able to take pauses, stay more unclenched, and not that tense all the time, breathe in, breathe out, and cultivate this calming energy around you, then people will find you very, very attractive. Don't cross your arms or don't clench your jaw.
And you can cultivate this by self-affirmations or just journaling more on what person you want to be and what kind of vibe you want to give off to people. You don't need to be hotter, you just need to be read more clearly by people. And if you pay attention to these seven things that I just shared, trust me, you will become hyper-attractive to other people. I hope this helped you, and if it did, I'm sure you're going to like this video.
Love you guys, have the best of your life. Kisses. Bye-bye.
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