a workbook · riadms.com
love, or limerence?
the fastest way to tell the real thing from the state that only feels like it. one test, four tells, and space to work it out on the page.
this is a page to actually work it out on, not just read. hold one real person in your head as you go. read each tell, then write down what is true for you in the space under it. be honest on the page, it is only ever for you.
- 01
run the certainty test
imagine they are completely certain about you. no chase, no chance of losing them, it is simply yours. if you still want them, that points to love. if it goes flat, that is limerence.
from me this is the single fastest tell i know. limerence needs the "maybe". love survives the certainty.
picture it fully. do you still want them, or does something quietly deflate? write your gut answer.
- 02
check the direction
love gets stronger as you get closer. limerence gets stronger with distance and doubt, and quietly dies once things are certain and easy.
from me watch which way yours moves after a good, drama-free day together. up, or down?
over the last month, did the feeling grow with closeness or with the gaps? note what you actually saw.
- 03
watch for the ache
limerence lives on uncertainty: the intrusive thoughts, the replaying of tiny signals, the highs and crashes tied to their attention. that intensity is not proof of love. often it is proof of doubt.
from me i have mistaken "i cannot stop thinking about them" for love more than once. sometimes it is just an open loop.
what are you actually replaying? write down the specific thing your mind keeps returning to.
- 04
notice the relief
imagine a clean, final "no" from them. if under the grief there would be a thread of relief that the not-knowing is finally over, you were likely in limerence, not love.
from me relief is information. it usually means the wanting was about the chase, not the person.
honestly: would a clear "no" be pure loss, or partly a relief? write it down before you talk yourself out of it.
who did you hold in mind, and where did you land?