free · a workbook
am i asexual?
a calm one-page workbook.
free, no wall, no catch. fill it in on the page in your browser, or print it and write by hand.
this is the page i wish someone had handed me at fifteen. not a test, not a verdict. just the words, and room to hold each one against your own life until the thing you have been feeling has somewhere to sit.
what you’ll work through
- the split attraction model. sexual attraction (wanting someone physically) and romantic attraction (wanting to date them, build a life) are two separate systems. you can feel one without the other, in any combination. that gap is the whole idea.
- asexual is not "no feelings". it means little or no sexual attraction. romance, sensuality, aesthetics, deep love, closeness, all of it is still fully on the table. asexual people fall in love, have partners, and want to be held.
- asexual is not low libido. libido is a drive, an engine that can rev with no target. attraction is a direction, a pull toward a specific person. you can have a libido and still feel no attraction to anyone. the two get confused constantly.
- the spectrum is real. grey-asexual (rarely, faintly), demisexual (only after a deep bond), and more. "sometimes, only under very specific conditions" is a complete and valid answer, not a halfway house on the way to a real one.
- you owe no one a label. a word is only useful if it helps you hold the feeling. if one fits, use it. if none fit, make your own, or use none at all. it genuinely does not have to be that deep.
the am i asexual card is the start. the rest is one letter a week, the word for one feeling you’ve had but couldn’t name.
more free cards
- the seven kinds of attraction. the whole map, on one page.
- love, or limerence? the fastest way to tell the real thing from the state that only feels like it.
- the friend crush. yes, it is real.
- love, or just comfort? the two look identical from the outside and feel completely different from the inside.
- known, or just familiar? most of the people in your life recognise you.
- the spark, or the pattern? the pull you keep calling chemistry is often just recognition.
- the room test. six things that do not look like abuse, and the one question that checks all of them.
- the romantic dial. romantic attraction described with the sexual part taken out, and the four things that get mistaken for it.
- what to hand over. the one-page worksheet for deciding which half of your work an AI should do, and which half stays yours.
- the sentences. what to actually say to a friend when you want them to know what they are to you.
- the seven kinds of crush. one word for seven different experiences, which is why it feels ambiguous.
- you do not need a new you. a landmark starts a thing and cannot sustain it, and those are two different jobs.
- tell me about a time you felt most loved. the question that replaces the love languages quiz.
- the deeper questions. twelve questions for two people, in three rounds, and each round goes a bit deeper than the last.