a workbook · riadms.com
tell me about a time you felt most loved
the question that replaces the love languages quiz. one memory, taken apart, for you and for one other person.
do not answer in categories. answer with an actual memory, the more specific the better, and then take it apart. the whole point is that a real event has several things scattered inside it and a quiz result has none.
- 01
write the memory first
a time you felt most loved. by anyone: a partner, a friend, a parent, a stranger. do not pick the most impressive one, pick the one that came to mind first.
from me the one that arrives first is the one your body kept.
what happened? who, where, what were they actually doing.
- 02
now say what was in it
go through your own memory and name the parts. was somebody paying attention. was somebody doing something inconvenient. was there touch in it. did they say something out loud, or notice something without being told.
from me almost nobody's answer is one thing. mine never is.
list every separate thing that was happening there. aim for four.
- 03
check what it cost them
the things that land are often not the things that cost the most effort. a grand gesture can register as less than somebody remembering an offhand sentence from three weeks ago.
from me effort is not the currency. attention is.
was it expensive for them, or cheap and specific? write which, honestly.
- 04
watch what you do for other people
most people give love the way they want to receive it. so the way you look after people is usually a direct readout of what you are waiting for, and you can check it against the memory above.
from me this is the fastest way to find your own, and you never have to take a quiz.
what do you do for someone when you want them to know you love them? write the last three times.
- 05
ask one other person, and do not lead them
ask the same question and then say nothing. do not offer categories, do not say the word language, and do not tell them yours first. let them give you an event.
from me a quiz result tells you what they answered. a memory tells you what happened.
who are you going to ask, and when? write it down so it becomes a real plan.
- 06
and split the touch box if it applies to you
the quiz puts hugs, hand-holding and sitting close in the same box as sex. those are different systems with different nerve fibres, so if that box never fit you, it was the box.
from me i could not tick it for years and my life is full of touch.
if touch is in your memory, which kind? name it exactly.
what did you learn about yourself here that the quiz never told you?